In praise of mediocrity

On one hand I understand the impulse to praise children, but on the other I think we do them a great disservice by using flattering adjectives about their performance at every opportunity, warranted or not.

Last Saturday morning my girl Sam tried out for New Zealand's Got Talent, the new series screening on Prime. This was her idea and I supported it. I am not one of those mothers vicariously living through my child. But if she has talent and ambition then I'll give her all the encouragement I can. She can sing but perhaps more importantly, she has self-belief.

We turned up at Avalon at 8.30. It took around an hour to make the main entrance; another 30 minutes to register and be photographed. Another 30 minutes in the holding room. Then a wait of around half an hour in a corridor outside the auditioning room before her number was called. We were surrounded by other singers, magicians, dancers, and fools looking for their moment of fame by being tasteless but outlandish.

Not true to the tv series, at this stage the performers sing for just one judge and they appear to be neither accepted nor rejected but given an indication they will hear later in the week as to whether they will go on further.

Sam had no accompaniment and dressed simply. She's very small but has a surprisingly big voice. She was asked various questions and then the camera rolled. She sang "Tomorrow" from Annie. When she had finished the judge said to her, "You have a great talent". And to me, "Have you got her with an agency? You should get her an agent. She would rock through an audition."

Very nice. But as I began with this post, are these words to be taken with a pinch of salt or acted on? Hence my opening complaint. I hate this PC age of crap and praise for mediocrity because I am not sure I am any the wiser. Then I read this piece from the Times which sums up the new phenomenon of over-praise and molly-coddling.

A recent production of Snow White at a primary school in Japan featured 25 Snow Whites, no dwarfs and no wicked witch, as parents objected to one child being picked out for the title role. In Sweden a boy was prevented from handing out invitations to his birthday party at school because he was “discriminating” against the two classmates he did not invite.

A straw poll in Netmums’ virtual coffee house produced distinctly mixed feelings about the phenomenon. “The cushioning effect of awarding stickers and praise for inconsequential trivia masks what children really need and are looking for – guidance, consistency, self-reliance and love,” said one mother, Liz.

Anyway here we are over a week later and she (of "great talent") still hasn't heard anything and I'm telling her that she has to get used to disappointment. Because if you are an achiever that means having to risk possible disappointment all the time. Life is a rollercoaster.

Actually she doesn't seem all that bothered. A far more stoic being than myself. Which illustrates the conclusion of the article. Children are very resilient.