Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Section 59 a red herring

I had forgotten I sent this out last month. It was published in today's Hutt News under the by-line of Eastbourne-based welfare commentator and former ACT candidate. I've also been writing to the Maori Party. It's not over yet.
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19 comments:

mojo said...

link doesn't work, Lindsay.

11:56 PM
Lindsay Mitchell said...

Thanks mojo. Fixed.

6:16 AM
Anonymous said...

January 2007
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT TO SELF INJURY
A true life story

Pain was a major participant in my childhood – both psychological and physical. I experienced terror in my childhood. I was forced to witness pain and humiliation being inflicted on my peers as well as on myself at school - in the name of “discipline”. “Smackings” from my parents all contributed to my fear and isolation. This childhood treatment resulted in “pain play” that served as an escape from the psychological pain and isolation caused by corporal punishment.

As an adult, I came to realise that this behaviour has its roots set deep in childhood. The causes are very complex. Drawing from my own experiences, it is the result of psychological humiliation, caused by the common use of corporal punishment. The fear and anxiety generated by such treatment induced isolation that cannot be expressed in childhood. The outcome is the expression of pain and solace in childhood dysfunctional play. My story explains some of this phenomenon.

The psychological shame and fear surrounding such behaviour has been very devastating. For a very long time I never spoke about it. The associated isolation has also been unbearable. This caused me to become suicidal. Throughout my childhood and into adulthood it was a closely guarded secret. It was many years before I found the courage to speak to another human being about my pain play behaviour.

When I was around five or six years old, I would go into gorse bushes. I would use the prickles to jab myself. This produced a sexual arousal, which interacted with the pain – similar to the pain inflicted by corporal punishment. It is from here that the pain play behaviour developed. I began to use this to create secret self-induced “fun” and “comfort”. This became my way of dealing with the isolation I experienced as a child.

I used several methods to “create” pain in my childhood and teenage years. One was by dripping hot wax on to my arms or legs with a candle. I invented this in my early teens, or perhaps even earlier than that. Another method I used was by applying small electric shocks, again on my arms or legs. I had some knowledge of electricity and often played with batteries and old radio transformers. I discovered that by reversing the input of a radio power transformer, each time a connection was made with a torch battery, the other end would produce an electric shock. I used a radio volume control to increase the intensity of the shock. So I secretly made a “shocker device” and used this in my “pain play”. Later, the behaviour began to take on a new turn when I began self-mutilation by cutting and burning myself. But sewing needles and pins were my most favoured options in my childhood for playing.

The description “pain play” may not be exactly accurate either. Because it is rather, the repression of pain that is a major component of the play. I now understand that this behaviour is very addictive. I also understand that the addiction comes from the endorphin release in the body while pain is being induced under controlled conditions. The higher the “endorphin rush” the higher is the pain threshold. Under “normal” conditions, I have a very low pain threshold. During “pain play” I choose sites to pierce or cut that would usually be very painful indeed. Pushing needles through at normally painful sites induces a high excitement at levels that I could never experience at any other time. This certainly puts me out of touch with reality. No wonder it served such an important role in my childhood. In BME and BDSM circles this phenomenon is described as “subspace”.

In my late teens and into my twenties, this pain play behaviour remained a closely guarded secret. This secrecy was enforced by the fear and shame surrounding the behaviour. I was certain in my own mind that I was the “only one in the world” who did such things to myself. I have since discovered that this behaviour is common within our society.

A life-long struggle with my shame has finally ended. Instead, the shame is now appropriately placed at the feet of those who caused distress in my childhood. Those who advocate hitting children in the name of “discipline” like my parents and school teachers, now appropriately carry the burden of that shame. I take a pragmatic approach that I should have been able to do years before. My confidence has been a long time coming. This writing serves to completely remove my shame, secrecy and psychological pain. I now claim my dignity that was taken from me as a child. Today, I bear physical scars from my many years of self-harm and ‘pain play’.

I need to be able to safely and appropriately speak about my behaviour. So every time some ignorant fool condones child “smacking” I provide my true story with purpose.

Section 59 Survivor
New Zealand

12:00 PM
Anonymous said...

Oh Gawd!......get this saddo a nappy someone....

12:33 PM
Anonymous said...

James suffers from pig-ignorance.

1:21 PM
mojo said...

Bit of an excessive story, anonymous. I tend to think you've attributed certain events to a specific cause i.e. 'smackings & corporal punishment' when the causes have more variable a genesis.
Indeed the behaviour you describe, in my experience, generally derives from verbal denigration / verbal dismissal and both inconsistently delivered and independent of behaviour - doesn't require the physical 'add-ons' at all... self-mutilation fits with this scenario too (mine, not yours), so it fits in to the attention-seeking/vindictive/negating parental control mould.
& as for gorse bushes, this sort of conditioning really requires being randy before entering the gorse bush ... & at the age of five or six? This is stretching it just a bit.
One could go on, but suffice it to say your attributions of cause - if indeed there is basis in reality to your story - are somewhat simplistic and/or you have omitted considerable information so that you can 'plausibly' claim a singular cause.
All seems a bit of a contrivance to me, alternatively, you should perhaps look at changing 'shrinks.'

4:56 PM
Anonymous said...

Mojo,

Don't assume anything!. My story is an accurately documented overview and what has been disclosed is total fact.

8:12 PM
mojo said...

Even more improbable for a female, anonymous.

8:33 PM
Anonymous said...

mojo,

I do not intend to disclose my gender to you - it is not relevant or appropriate.

You may take whatever you wish from my story, but the facts of it will always remain in print. However, the empowerment and healing from telling my story is worth the courage and effort in doing so. Lets just leave it at that.

8:57 PM
mojo said...

Improbable for a male, moreso for a female ... reads like a montage, authored by a female with some association with a number of people each manifesting some of the problems described.
Interesting 'dismissal' tho,' sort of 'new age, sensitive, 'coming out.'
But you're right, enough is enough.

10:31 PM
Anonymous said...

You do yourself no credit in your continued attempt to discredit my story. In fact it simply destroys your own credibility. As a student you should understand what a D- means.

Bye!

10:47 PM
Anonymous said...

Brian Smaller,

What happened in my childhood was sick. How I had to cope in my childhood was sick. Hence, my story is sick. Hitting children is sick. And anyone who advocates hitting children are sick individuals as well as cowards.

10:35 AM
Anonymous said...

Brian Smaller,

I meant to add in my last posting....

It certainly appears that you are very ignorant when it come to self-injury behaviour. It is more than 'odd' and 'weird' - it is absolutely terrible! But the fact is, it is a common trait. However, the main cause is the result of childhood trauma.

For more information go to:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

11:40 AM
Anonymous said...

Brian Smaller,

Come on - get with it. What I said was that those who HIT children are sick. And those who condone hitting children are sick. I did not mention smacking in its true context. I can see you are yet another person who cannot distinguish the difference between smacking and hitting. THAT is why I put the word "smacking" in inverted commas in my story. Section 59 sanctions the latter - hitting and that needs to change.

As for your ridiculous notions about my self-injury behaviour - are you calling me a liar? If so then back off!!!

4:24 PM
Anonymous said...

Brian Smaller,

If you suffered the traumas, you say you have, then you should be taking my story very seriously. What you say about your childhood is serious enough so I suspect you must have had to seek psychological help – as I have over the years. To suffer that amount of trauma, you must have needed to seek intervention. I also think you should count your blessings that you did not self-harm.

You must know about the school culture in the 1950’s and 1960’s. You must know about all the “harmless” corporal punishment that went on. I would have to witness my classmates being strapped and caned. I would wake up – even years later and still hear that terrible whack as the cane made contact with a body part from some sadistic teacher. As a six year old in the primers, the terror of seeing the teacher carrying a strap caused me to withdraw in isolation and that was also the time I began japing myself with gorse prickles. At 8 or 9 years of age I thought about suicide. I did not have the skills at that age to carry out a plan, but I knew that by tying a piece of rope around my neck and jumping from something high - would probably work. I certainly knew that method as a primary school child.

For years I would suffer flashbacks, which were enough to prevent me from functioning at work. And this corporal punishment was all legal up until 1990. And it was similar at home. All legal under Section 59. I have spent years in psychotherapy and counselling to deal with the anxiety and the self-injury I had adopted as a childhood coping mechanism. I know the truth. So please don’t try and tell me what I should believe just to suit your agendas - whatever they are. Don’t make assumptions and don’t attempt to rewrite history.

9:22 PM
Anonymous said...

Hi Brian,

I am not sure what your posting implies. But If it was not for the support of counsellors in my life, I probably would have ended my life years ago. It was only by confronting the issues mentioned that pulled me through. I certainly do agree with your last sentiment though.

The most positive aspect of my being able to speak openly about my childhood experiences is being able to use it as a tool to raise awareness and destroy myths. For me that is the most healing aspect of this exercise. This has proven to be very worthwhile for society.

It also exposes those who choose to live in ignorance and denial and who hate to have their heads pulled out of the sand - as this blog has clearly illustrated. The truth is often the most difficult to face.

8:56 AM
mojo said...

anonymous, I really have not heard such an array of crass nonsense in a long time ... I would suggest that your pleas are indeed representative of the created emotional manipulations that parents will be left with .. give it up, there is simply little realism in this stuff.

6:05 PM
Anonymous said...

Mojo,

You are a cop-out and a coward. Grow up and get a life!!!

10:46 PM
Anonymous said...

Mojo,

Judging from your pathetic and very immature behaviour, it has become reasonable to speculate that there is more than a grain of truth in my story that has pressed some of your very painful buttons. Otherwise, why in the hell would you even bother to waste your energy and time continuing to make disparaging remarks. This behaviour of yours has all the hallmarks of someone who is spineless, gutless and cowardly.

If you don’t have something intelligent to contribute then simply shut up! I think that is very sound advice for you and I strongly suggest you take it on board for everyone’s sake.

12:25 AM

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