Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Don't frigging tell me how to have fun

One thing that really raises my hackles is being told how to have fun.

"Ideally, parents will be in the water with the child. They'll also have more fun that way. And, if they are in the water with the child, there is less opportunity to be distracted."

A child will swim, especially if the pool (corrected typo 'pot' - must have been subliminal) is well-heated, all day, every day, of a holiday. It is not my idea of fun being in the water remorselessly badgered with "Mum, watch me do this", and "Mum, watch me do this, " and "Mum, watch me do this" which come at the rate of about 60 per minute.

Once big enough for water-wings my kids were off. Kicking around the motel pool happily while I could enjoy a rare read with one eye and ear on them. They were happier with more swimming time, and I was happier with more intellectual stimulation.

Have you noticed how busy the fun police have been this break? And people have started wishing each other a safe and healthy holiday?? I went to Tauherenikau races. They issued bottled water at the gate and kept making public announcements about keeping your fluid level up. I was trying but someone knocked over my glass of Lindauer. Then the cops were breath-testing every punter leaving. I don't object to the last. We make provision for it. But I can do without the constant hectoring about staying out of the sun because the "current UV reading is ---".

Now some utter killjoy has come up with the idea of alcohol-free February. Not happy with a day, these greedy bastards want to impose an entire month on recalcitrant pleasure seekers. Not in my house.

And who is sick of Paula poster-girl-for-the-police Rose? Nanny supremo banging on about road safety every time you turn the telly on. She leads me to having utterly paranoid thoughts like, what if David and I are killed on the road going to the races? The road is the most dangerous place a human being can venture to? What will happen to the kids? Now that they are too busy reading to want to come and have fun with me??

And spare a thought for the poor smokers. Whammo. There's another three bucks penalty for doing something that gives some relief from all the stress of worrying about getting fat, dying in an earthquake or on the roads or from skin cancer or dehydration or just the interminable nagging.

Let the smokers smoke themselves to death if they want. Because that's one less ageing baby-boomer, the new cause célèbre for the anxiety addicts.

Then somebody came into my shop and told me that pastels are highly carcinogenic. I should be wearing a mask and gloves. Oh fuck. No.

I may as well curl up in a little ball and die right now.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well you certainly put a smile on my face this morning.
i was going to paint my house this summer and started to scrap some old paint of the eves. My neighbour, worried about "possible" lead based paint(its not) drifting across onto his lawn, complained to the council and they now want me to have the paint tested to be sure i dont contaminate the enviroment. i have shelved painting the house to anothertime.
I now content myself with turning the engines of my V8 motorcars in my driveway, but only when the wind is blowing in my neighbours direction.

Anonymous said...

I work for an Aussie based corporate and a few months ago a colour chart appeared on the wall above the men's urinal (not sure about the women's toilets).

The chart has four shades of yellow and depending on the colour advises whether you are dehydrated or not and if so - you need water NOW!

Where will it all end? I have no idea but it's frightening. Lee

KG said...

Nice one, Lindsay. I've made it a post over at CR with a link back to here.
Right now, it's SO refreshing to be working in the bush, among people who are tough and resourceful and who regard the whole Nanny thing with utter contempt. :)

Manolo said...

Long live liberty and freedom (and paying for the consequences of what we choose to do).

I'm also sick of the nannyism you come across in every facet of daily life. You can only dread what awaits our children.

KG said...

"You can only dread what awaits our children."
They'll be conditioned to think it's normal, Manolo. Heck, most of them already do.

MacDoctor said...

The MacDoctor is delighted to advise you that your pastels are not dangerous unless you eat them. As long as you restrain yourself from chewing on the, you will be fine.

The occasional lick is probably harmless too...

Oswald Bastable said...

Time to start a rumour that ingesting pastels gets you high and let the Darwinian process begin...

Hagues said...

I'm sick to death of all the TV adverts... Can't do this, don't do that, drive like a Nana, nag your mates etc etc FFS and on our dime as well!

Psycho Milt said...

Ideally, parents will be in the water with the child.

Ideally, I will be tall, fit, handsome and a Mensa candidate, and be devoting my holiday to pondering whether to give away half of my billions or not. Meanwhile, back here in the sub-ideal world, my kids used to spend hours in the pool while I lay on a lounger and cast a glance at them every now and then - somehow they lived, and will no doubt one day be able to pass on the exciting tale of the terrifying swimming pool dangers they lived through to their own children.

Siena said...

Great stuff, Lindsay. Most of your examples strike a chord with me, but the one that truly resonates is: "And who is sick of Paula poster-girl-for-the-police Rose? Nanny supremo banging on about road safety every time you turn the telly on."

Policing-by-propaganda poses serious dangers to our liberties longer term. It is an insidious use of power not contemplated by the law, but is taking root in NZ as a result of thinking people remaining silent.

And I resent strongly the police pre-empting Court processes by releasing information to the media in advance, like blood/alcohol readings in specific cases, rather than through sworn evidence in Court. If we mere citizens treated the Court with contempt in that fashion, we would be in serious strife.

Anonymous said...

You don't have to let this stuff get on top of you. People have banged on about water safety for as long as I can remember and wasn't Paula preceded by Andy Knackstead? I have no trouble ignoring it. I listen to the news twice a day on the radio and that's about it unless there is something serious going on. Today was spent tarting up old beehive boxes and reconditioning old frames. The rest of the world got by without me. Ian