Saturday, June 18, 2016

"Where have all the good men gone?"

My answer (a guess) to this lady's question is, man shy-off activities where there are loads of women.

Just because they aren't into pilates, the theatre and tai chi it doesn't mean they aren't creative.

Maybe they are into their cars, woodworking, fishing, golf or lycra-cycling.

You can't turn people into the mirror image of yourself. You take them as you find them. They might get interested in what you like doing and vice versa.

But I doubt men over 60 are quite as "unadventurous" and uninteresting as the writer believes. They may simply have a tendency to be more solitary and less into socialising. Therefore less visible.

The male readers of this blog, many of whom I suspect are in the group complained about, may have something to add.


OlderChas said...

Exactly Lyndsay. Who wants to be around a bunch of aging, arty-farty. "creative", gossipy sheilas! Give me my garage, tools, radio and some scrap wood and I can contemplate - and solve - the problems of the world in peace and quiet then sit down with a beer or a G&T and complain to the television set that doesn't answer back - nor want me to do something!

Mark Hubbard said...

"The male readers of this blog, many of whom I suspect are in the group complained about, may have something to add. "

I laughed and laughed when I read the article in bed this morning. Kerry will find me in my vege garden today. Sleeping a martini off this evening watching the rugby. I ain't big on group social events so she won't see me much of anywhere else. Perhaps after a certain age we males who are happy in our own skin don't need to go out that much.

[Qualification: I've always been a loner, so am not a good data point here.]

JC said...

In my case its pretty simple.. I've been married to the same woman for five decades and we tend to socialise with similar couples or very old friends.

For most of that time she was on my arm at work do's, business meetings, conferences etc and the same when I was more deeply involved with charity work. But in these latter years I tag along with *her* as she does *her* thing in charities and things she's interested in.

If my wife is away for a lengthy period I don't feel lonely.. I feel free to potter around doing things that don't really interest her.. I don't feel the need to socialise.

All up I'm most unlikely to run into the lady looking for interesting men because I don't occupy her space.. I'm sure we would enjoy a conversation on most things but she'd be bored rigid living with me.


Brendan McNeill said...

Hi Lindsay

I have enjoyed reading the responses to your question, and noting how as we men get older, we appear to become distinctly less social. It’s not that we don’t enjoy good company, we do, but perhaps we feel less need to seek it out, or consider it essential to our wellbeing.

My wife of 44 years would also suggest that I/we spend too much time on-line, or looking at a screen of one kind or the other. There is some truth to this, and I wonder if we older codgers are as guilty as many younger folks of engaging more with others on-line than we do face to face?

After all, you are reading this.

Anonymous said...

"yes be alive and interesting ..."

I suspect she really means be interested in what interests me and be alive to the degree I like. My lovely second wife, who is a bit younger than me, simply accepts, as do I, that we have some different interests that pre date our relationship and we get along just fine.

One other point that may be of significance is that a few good men will have been divorced and that may make them nervous around women if they have been financially crippled and emotionally damaged by the last encounter. I do recall, following divorce at 40, being amazed at the number of women looking for nice men while complaining that they couldn't find any. The nice men I knew were either married or scared off.

My second wife had as much to lose financially as I did when we married and we had talked about that recognizing it as a point of comfort - love is blind but not stupid perhaps? The rules around asset splitting after two years made us mindful and I bet many who have rebuilt a life from middle age feel the same.

Hi Mark, nice to hear from you. I agree that men happy in their own skin cope better with being alone. Your qualification is mine as well.


WWallace said...

Looking for men in all the wrong places. Try joining a car club, a golf club, a bowls club, a photography club, a service club? Check out for such gatherings in Auckland - you can see photos of many of the people already attending.

Anything related to modern art (including much of the content of fringe film festivals) is a big turn-off to most males, who prefer things that are what they are.

j4d3 goat said...

Mark Hubbard - "Perhaps after a certain age we males who are happy in our own skin don't need to go out that much."

I agree. Like Mark, I'm a bit of a loner. I think that as many of us blokes get older we tend to enjoy "pottering around", whether it be in a shed or on a computer. Those aren't places where women are likely to congregate.

I also think that many older men have quite conservative views, similar to those of Lindsay (who is a gem and a real rarity).
In my experience, most women (including the older ones) are quite the opposite, so that doesn't help matters either.

JC said...

My wife suggests she join a gun club


Lindsay Mitchell said...

Thanks for all your responses. There is a lot to be said for companionable silence or being 'alone' together. People who don't get that might be either gender but I suspect, more likely female.

paul scott said...

yeah, Anyway them women kill off all the good men young and that leaves her with a choice of bad men.
And bad men spend all our money on drink and loose girls, this isn't much help is it; I see one of the dudes there likes Lindsay though.

Don W said...

The lady who thinks that older men have lost their mojo should entertain the idea of getting a toy boy.

Anonymous said...

On the other hand if you are a male senior and you do fancy getting a bit more female company - isn't this article a bit of a user guide!

And to boot - some of the things listed are very good physically for you if you are an old codger.