Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Learning from Maori

Pita Sharples says that Pakeha could learn much from Maori about grieving;

"I recognise we have different, culturally appropriate ways of grieving, but I wonder - if everyone has the capacity to express emotions, should not the occasion of death be the perfect outlet for such emotions?"

Dr Sharples also spoke about the way Pakeha refer to family and extended-family members.

"The emphasis should be on what connects us, rather than what divides us," he said, citing Pakeha use of phrases such as "step-sister".

"I am often puzzled when I hear Pakeha define members of their whanau in ways which seek to create a distance - to put up a barrier between themselves and another.

"A step-sister, a half-brother, a cousin twice removed, my mother's cousin," he said.

"In our world, we welcome our sisters and brothers, our cousins, our aunties and uncles as whanau - whatever degree of separation a genealogy expert might describe it as.

"And in much the same way, when we need to express grief, the strength for us is in numbers, in our connections, while in other world views, the expression of grief may be another opportunity to create distance - 'we'll leave them alone'; 'they wouldn't want to see people at this time'; 'we'll just send flowers and cause them no bother'


I admit this touches a nerve with me. In grief (what little experience I have had of it) I tend to be very private, internalising how I feel and coping until the pain diminishes. Would it be rash to say this is the Pakeha or European way?

Maybe we could benefit from expressing our grief more intensely and collectively but then we have a long tradition of controlling our emotions. Some emotions need to be kept in check and I would venture that there is a downside to giving vent to them without restraint.

So perhaps we could learn a thing or two about how to grieve and Maori could learn a thing or two about how to control their anger.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I am often puzzled when I hear Pakeha define members of their whanau in ways which seek to create a distance - to put up a barrier between themselves and another."

I am often puzzled when Maori say sensible things like this and then talk about Maori and Pakeha,us and them,first peoples and "visitors"....all labels used to create tribes or groups that can be opposed and attacked.

Sharples has said what Brash basically did regarding race relations yet Brash was called a racist for his one law for all call and an end to seperatism...mmmm!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I need to reach out to people, but most often I seek to sort through my issues inside. I've been pretty good at it so far.

Self restraint is valuable in a civil society - knowing when to 'button' it up can be a valuable tool.

Anonymous said...

thehawk says:

Perhaps if Maori could bottle up their anger, Pakeha wouldn't have to grieve for so many dead Maori babies.

Anonymous said...

Anger is best managed like a dangerous compressd gas.

Bottle it and release it SLOWLY!